I just lost my safety net. This week I told my company that I wouldn’t be renewing my contract for the next year. That means come April I won’t have a job. There are a few things in the works but nothing is set in stone, and I don’t want to make promises that don’t work out. My future is in the hands of embassies and my ability to get a visa. Its a little scary to let go of one rope before I know where the next one will be. I’ve had to trust that something will work out. I’ve learned to be flexible with my idea of the future. At first I had one idea and started to freak out when that didn’t seem to work out. However I’m learning to embrace the unexpected rather than let it paralyze me with fear. I’ve learned to call it “freedom” rather than “black hole future.” Maybe its ok not to have plans. That doesn’t mean I’m irresponsible, it means I’m flexible. I ready for life to take me where God leads me, I don’t have to have complete control.
Here’s the thing Japan, its me not you. I love you, but I’m not IN love with you. I hope we can still be friends. There’s probably a chance I’ll call you late at night when I’m lonely. You really are great, I’m sure you’ll find the right person in no time.
So why on earth would I leave Japan? I like my job. People treat me like a celebrity. I have plenty of friends, and I’m having a great time. The thing is I never had plans to stay in Japan long term. I always thought of it as something temporary. I didn’t create any deep roots here. Every relationship I’ve formed has had an endpoint in mind. While Japan is great I didn’t find anything worth keeping me here. That just means its off to the next thing. It may be worse it may be better, but there’s only one way for me to find out. There’s a lot of world to see, and Japan is just the beginning.
PS- My friends Laurel wrote an article which pretty much sums up my feelings in a much more poetic way. I chose to put this link at the bottom so you wouldn’t compare my random thoughts to her great writing. Click HERE to find it.